Judith Woods
Can it be true? Is it just idle gossip? Say it ain’t so. Rumours are rife that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex are going to abandon Britain and freeze out the Royal family. Oh wait, they’ve already done that (scampers off to check). Right, so it looks as though they are doing it all over again, but this time without the mud-slinging, the tell-all interviews and the general whingefest. This time they are going for (consults notes) what is known as Dignified Silence.
Not that they’ve run out of things to say, you understand, or that nobody cares much any more. No, it’s because they have made learnings. Because they have moved onwards and upwards to the highest moral ground where even recreational virtue signalling can result in a nose bleed. And because hencetoforthwithwards they wish to raise their Prince and Princess in such a way that their lived experience will be one of unblemished apple pie privacy in their humble community of gazillionaires.
Sorry, I simply can’t keep a straight face. I’d much rather talk about Transylvania because I’ve been there and yes, there are actual bears on the streets. And wolves too. But I digress. More saliently, King Charles is using his Romanian retreat as a convenient bolthole to avoid bumping into his son, court botherer (that’s the High Court this time as opposed to the “normal” Buck House one) Harry when he comes over next week to – no prizes for guessing – complain. This time about phone hacking.
Whatevs. Some sources say that the couple want to leave the spotlight and turn their back on book deals, celebrity interviews and memoirs in order to concentrate on work behind the camera and prove their creative worth. Other sources (like Heinz, there are 57 varieties) disagree and are insistent there are lots more whiffy pillow cases and grubby sheets they could explosively launder en plein air if the price were right. Why, their spokesperson recently alleged the couple and Meghan’s mother were involved in a “near-catastrophic car chase” instigated by “a ring of highly aggressive paparazzi” after the trio attended the Ms Foundation ceremony in New York where the Duchess was honoured. So what if the sceptical NYC cops played it down with the US equivalent of “nothing to see here”? As the late great Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II so crisply, so trenchantly observed when Meghan made allegations of racism back in 2021, “recollections may vary”.
Let’s not forget that around the publication of his pity-party exposé Spare, Harry ominously muttered that 400 pages had been cut from the final manuscript and “it could have been two books, put it that way.” Is there a market for more? Not from this side of the pond, I’ll warrant. But he’s making waves across the Atlantic, not least because the US government is due to appear in court next week to answer questions over Prince Harry’s visa application, after he detailed his drug use in print. Rookie mistake but what’s a prince of the realm to do when his US editors squeeze him until his pips squeak? The case has been brought by the conservative think tank the Heritage Foundation, which believes he should have been denied residency in the US if he failed to disclose his drug use and could see it revoked if he “lied”.
Mildly diverting though that is, do we honestly want him back? His cameo Coronation appearance came across as somewhere between ungracious and unnecessary. At the Firm, his old office has already been given over to Sophie, Duchess of Edinburgh who is an old-school trooper and needs somewhere to store her tartans. To be honest, the only way our Prodigal Prince could possibly worm his way back into our affections is with a grand gesture. I reckon he might swing it if he dramatically follows his father over to his 18th-century Saxon house in the village of Viscri, Romania, and swears fealty. He won’t though; there’s no Wi-Fi at King Charles’s back-to-nature gaff for pity’s sake, so how can Meghan FaceTime him constantly? I’m not sure even her Woman of Vision award will persuade the UN to lend her a satellite to track his movements.
On the plus side, if he drives (horse and carts it) two hours north to Busteni he will definitely see a bear. My family went there for a wedding in Cantacuzino Castle a few years ago and the waiter took my husband and assorted brothers in law for a drive to see them. Not in the forest, but in a residential cul de sac off the high street where a male bear the size of a double bed was raking open black bin bags with his terrifying claws to feed his mate and cub. By way of an extra surreal touch, a semi circle of expectant cats sat around them, waiting for the ursine feast to finish. My husband has a blurred photo to prove it, so recollections don’t vary. Harry will cross swords with former Mirror editor Piers Morgan next week as his elderly father potters and paints, goes on excursions among the wildflowers and reads late into the evening. The Duke of Sussex will doubtless sweep into London and sweep out again, too angry, too prideful to acknowledge the country, the people, most importantly the family he once held dear. Let us hope he grasps the extent of his personal loss before it is too late.
The Telegraph
