UK election drive

Three days in, and this general election is already shaping up to be one of the most boring in history. I thought 2017 was bad but at least it featured Sexy Jezza trying to take us back to the 1970s while useful idiots banged their drums for the old pinko at Glastonbury. Remember the 100,000 metropolitan liberals who’d paid £243 each standing in a field, chanting, “Oh Jeremy Corbyn!” while live streaming it on their smartphones?

While I am sure we can look forward to another “nothing has changed” moment over the next six weeks, there is something depressingly Maybotic about the patter of the campaign so far. Rishi Sunak’s schtick – that the Tories might be rubbish, but Labour will be even worse – is already rolling on repeat as the Prime Minister tours the factories of the UK in his high-vis jacket.

Sir Keir Starmer, meanwhile, is set to spend the next 40 days and 40 nights telling us that all we need is “change” and an “end to the chaos” after “14 years of Tory rule”. It’s like Brown’s “global financial crisis” and Cameron’s “long-term economic plan” all over again. I appreciate that the best way to worm into the electorate’s ear is to repeat your core message ad nauseam, but have party strategists not considered it might be rather nauseating for the voter?

Having said that, in a bore-off between Sunak and Starmer, my money’s on the former Winchester head boy over the nasal knight. At least we know what we get with Sunak – a class swot who got his homework in on time. It’s not a charismatic offering, I grant you. It’s not Johnson and it’s nowhere near Farage. But with Reform’s honorary president out of the picture, Sunak is the only Conservative on the slate. And he’s competent, there’s no doubt about that.

He works hard. And he can’t stand losing. As a former investment banker, he’s got that competitive edge. Starmer, by comparison, does not look match fit. Indeed, as Peter Mandelson rather cruelly pointed out, he’s only a heavyweight as far as the scales are concerned. This political punch-up isn’t going to be anywhere near as exciting as Fury vs Usyk but so far Starmer is failing to shine in the spotlight. If Sunak truly takes the gloves off, he could do some significant damage to Labour’s poll lead.